These are trying times for workers. In today’s ADD economy it is becoming increasingly difficult to hang on to any job let alone find new employment. But after many years of in-depth research (i.e. hours of channel surfing) I’ve discovered the secret to obtaining permanent full-time employment. Let me repeat that in case you thought you misread what I just wrote. Let me repeat that in case you thought you misread what I just wrote.
Once you master this newly minted secret you will never again have to worry about being unemployed. Yep, non-experts everywhere will seek you out for your opinion and counsel and it won’t even matter how badly you suck at what you do because institutions like Wall Street will pay top dollar to further the cause of ponzi-nomics. It’s all about form, not fact.
So what is this secret? Simple: Become an “Expert”.
You see becoming an “expert” makes you a hot commodity. So don’t upgrade your education when all you really need to do is upgrade your printer and purchase a stack of blank business cards. In short just make shit up. It’s all the rage nowadays so get in on the fun and stop lining up for food stamps and food banks. Yes, it is time to seize the initiative and to live the life to which you are not entitled. Why be a Walter Mitty when you could be a Bernie Madoff (sans the jail term).
Being an “expert” is a lot like being unemployed, only with five-star in-office catering and snappier clothes. And if ever you begin to doubt your “expert” credentials all you need do is look at what other “experts” have accomplished in just the past 12 months. Don’t miss YOUR opportunity to implode the global economy, crash stock markets, decimate the real estate industry, run up obscene deficits AND derail major automotive manufacturers. Become an “expert” now and get in on the next bubble of prosperity. Carpe diem.
